August 6, 2020

The Four of Us

In writing out that title, I had an odd feeling because my family is now just four and I didn’t put that together until right now. I love symbolism, so who knows. Strap in. In my mind there’s a forest. It isn’t a scary forest, but very reminiscent of the one that grew next to […]

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August 2, 2020

Relapse

My life is starting to feel like an Eminem album. Now we will write about volcanoes meeting tornadoes. Now we will write about recovery. Now we will write about relapse, mom’s spaghetti not required. If I haven’t made it clear, let me start here. My name is Jamie and I’m codependent. I lead with that […]

July 20, 2020

Addiction to Potential

I suppose I will start out by saying that I won’t be writing about Big Daddy anymore. I think that much was probably apparent to most of you over the course of the last few months. Our story together has come to close. It wasn’t by my choice. I would have continued writing our love […]

July 9, 2020

XXI

In May of this year we hit the point I had waited for. You had become a part of my life longer than I was without you. The irony is, we were hundreds of miles apart, separated by hours and pain and distances we had no way to bridge.  At some point in time, in mid […]

June 13, 2020

Fireflies

 remember the first time we discovered them blinking in the trees outback and we hurried up the street. We went so quickly to see them that I didn’t even bother putting on shoes. There’s a place, a few houses up, where there are woods on both sides and we stood there in the midst of […]

May 21, 2020

Waiting

I weeded half of the front flower beds today. It was beautiful and warm and the sun was behind the house and I told Baby Bee to put some damn clothes on and out we went. She immediately picked a thistle with her gardening gloves on the wrong way, so she left me to my […]

May 4, 2020

My mother’s daughter

Tomorrow makes thirteen years since my Mom slipped away from this universe and found herself in whatever comes next. She said, some days before as she was slipping from this world already and into the next, that Grandma told her she would fly as high as the ladybugs. We had no idea of knowing that […]

April 23, 2020

Truths

Once upon a time, twenty-one years (give or take a few) I entered into a change in life. I was young and naive, like most 22 year olds are, and I’d be a mother in seven month. I didn’t know a lot as I faced down the chasm that separated me from girlhood and childhood […]

March 27, 2020

Sensory

I smelled woodsmoke today and my heart leapt in my chest because it smelled like you on the wind. Every now and then I find myself caught unawares and the creak of a chair or the scent of brewed coffee finds me straining for you. The footsteps that come next. The slam of the front […]

March 15, 2020

365-X=Now

My friends who have been here have said it will be a year before I’m back on my feet again and these waves of emotion; pain, fear, sorrow will ebb. Some sources say six months. Some places say I will need six months for every year I gave you to fully recover. Eleven years. I […]

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