October 22, 2009


Big Daddy wants to live here…

St. Helena Island, SC
St. Helena Island, SC

I want to live here…

The Midwest
The Midwest

They are 640 miles and 13 hours in the car apart and that feels just about how far apart Big Daddy and I feel about where we’ll live after we don’t live here.

The Little White House
The Little White House

Yesterday, we spoke with a Realtor friend who have us an idea on how we might be able to sell our house.  I’m not telling you what it is until our house is sold, because I don’t want people flooding the market by doing the same thing, but when our house sells, I’ll let you know.  But anyhow, back to the impasse and the hundreds of miles of distance between Big Daddy and me.

Big Daddy is sort of like the wind.  He likes to move and change.  He likes to be spontaneous.  He doesn’t much care for plans.  When I was five months pregnant with the Princess we went to Washington DC on a whim, after a hurricane knocked out the banking network and without a hotel reservation.  We slept in the airport.    I paced all night, unable to relax or sleep or consider either.  Big Daddy lounged and dozed.  OUr compromise in regards to travel is that I’m willing to try new places and he’s willing to make reservations.

I am not spontaneous.  I am not like the wind.  I’m like a tree.  I put down roots.  I don’t move around.  I don’t rush from here to there.  I plan.  I project.  I have goals, which include living in a home that my grandkids will come to (not this home, but the next one).  I scheduled our Disney trip on paper, including where we’d eat what day (and maybe what…). My compromise is that I try to be receptive to the changes Big Daddy needs to make to be happy but this change?

I’m not receptive and the bad news is, there just isn’t a compromise to be had.

We could sell this house.  We could buy a new house in IL.  And Big Daddy will be miserable.  He hates the cold.  He hates the snow.  He hates the high property taxes.  He hates the state.

Or, we could move.  South.  Alone.  And I will be miserable.  I don’t like the heat.  I would miss the seasons.  I would hate being without friends and family.  I would hate the distance from the people I love.  I would hate being in a strange place where I don’t know where Target is or what preschool is good.


I told Big Daddy that I know someone is going to have to be the bigger person.  I don’t want it to be me, but I don’t want him to be unhappy.  It’s so easier to say, be the bigger person, but I don’t want to be.  And neither does he  and neither of us want to give up our dreams.

What do you do when both of you want something that is so opposite and there’s just not a reasonable middle ground?

Big Daddy 0 Replies to “Impasse”