April 8, 2010

Brutal

Yesterday was a bad day. I was so overwhelmed. Baby Bee was miserable all day, refusing naps and following me around crying every time I put her down. I ate with her in my arms. By the time after school time rolled around, I had a moving company coming to give us a quote and a house so messy I was glad I had to take the Princess to scouts to avoid being in the house while a stranger saw just how very messy it was.  Big Daddy never cares about stuff like that, but I do.  Even if I am a slob, I don’t need EVERYONE knowing.

While we were picking the Princess up from scouts (and I insisted that we stop for dinner because I couldn’t handle one more thing on my agenda) I made a plan. Starting today I was going to get brutal. I was going to throw things away and get over my guilt of not keeping things that we or someone else paid good money for.

So, after preschool, Littlebit, Baby Bee and I started our packing and sorting and purging. It went so well. I tossed things. I put things into a huge donate pile. We finished two rooms by Baby Bee’s nap time.

I decided to go through the foyer which, really, holds very little. Just the bench and a coat closet. I began cleaning the coat closet, sorting things until piles.

And then I found it.

Baby Bee’s snow suit. Progress stopped. I set the snowsuit into the giveaway pile, sent a message to Big Daddy telling him I was sad and burst into twenty minutes of tears. I cried until I got a headache and my nose looked like a tomato.

I’m not sad about moving, although I’m sure to cry when we leave here for good, but lately as Baby Bee stands on her own and babbles and gets ever so close to walking and her first birthday, my heart is breaking just a little bit. She’s my last baby. The very last.  I want her to stay a baby forever, and she’s moving away from babyhood at warp speed. So much faster than the other two.

When I laid that little snowsuit with the bear paws and the little ears on the give away pile, something in my heart seized up. The snowsuit was hardly worn and before we’d pack  it  away for the next baby to come, but now there are no more babies to come and no need to keep it.

So, even though I need to be brutal, I loaded the snowsuit into the box.

Packed and ready
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Jamie

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One comment on “Brutal

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    proud of u Jamie there are so many great new memories and events to come ,don’t look back it husts, look forward, it is exciting HUGS

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