Not Usual-October 15th

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Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  In a few paragraphs I will be reposting something I wrote in 2008 remembering the baby that was between the Princess and Littlebit.  October15th.com is a great resource for support information on pregnancy and infant loss.

A Fairy Tale

Originally Posted October 15, 2008

Once upon a time, Big Daddy and I decided we wanted to have another baby. The Princess was five and the time finally seemed right for us. Sure, we were living in a crowded rental and Big Daddy’s business was tiring, but the time had come and so we tried.

January dawned bright, a new year and Big Daddy and I got down to business. January was a bust, but on St. Patrick’s Day, a faint pregnancy test confirmed that we had been successful. I climbed onto Big Daddy’s lap and cried with joy. Our baby, our longed for second baby, was on their way.

But, the early signs that signaled our baby’s presence, also signaled that something was wrong and before two weeks had passed, our baby was gone in a excruciating day long wait at the emergency room, a tear-filled ultrasound and a late evening surgery.

All that is left of our little one is the inch long scar extending out of my belly button and the knowledge that having another baby will be twice as hard as we try to have a baby with half the chances.

We rejoiced over a due date in between Thanksgiving and I dreamed about the adorable Christmas card we’d send out to family and friends with our new little cherub and the Princess smiling boldly from the front. It would be our greatest Christmas ever, with our sweet big girl and our new baby.

Nine months later, as part of my very own Christmas miracle, Littlebit was conceived and we heralded that New Year with news of her arrival and a bright pink line on a pregnancy test.

And while Littlebit’s arrival has dulled the pain, the lost hope still hangs in the air at times and days like today I can’t help but wonder who that little person would have been. In the middle. Between my two girls rests someone else.

I remember.

One Comment

  1. Margaret Veon says:

    I sit with tears of thinking of who this peron would be, saddened that we will never know…..hugs

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