March 29, 2011

It was one of those days

And I hate them. It was one of those days that leave you questioning everything. One that causes you to list every single shortcoming and sin you have. It was one of those days you’re never proud of and you find yourself worried that maybe it’s not a fluke and it’s who you are.

It starts with Baby Bee not sleeping. The pangs of sleep deprevation make me short tempered and irritable. It means I drop things or have trouble keeping on task. It me ants I feel almost imobile and the kids watch more tv Thani like and that makes me feel like a bad parent.

I had an eye appointment and Baby Bee refused to nap. I tried for an hour until i had to leave and then Big Daddy tried for another hour. The eye doctor wasnrunning late and I was worry I’d be late picking up Littlebit.

And as things do, the situation slowly devolved until I was yelling, snapping and ready to cry. I had to apologize to Littlebit for being snappy. I promised her a better day.

In truth, I’m so afraid of my weaknesses. I judge myself so harshly when Ive had a frustrating day. A better mother, I tell myself, wouldn’t get upset about all these things. A better mother wouldn’t yell. I better mother could sleep in snatches, clean the house and not turn to the tv for help.

In those insecure moments, I’m sure someone Is doing it much better than me. I’m afraid I’m damaging the little people I love so much with my quick temper and short comings. In more secure moments, I think I’m no different than anyone else. That everyone has a bad day.

Tomorrow will be better? I promised it would be.

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Jamie

COMMENTS

2 thoughts on “It was one of those days

    Author’s gravatar

    You just have to keep telling yourself that you know you’re doing the best you can. And that everyone needs to accept you for who you are, the good with the faults.

    Looking back, I’m sure we all can say that our mothers had the same kind of bad days and we managed to turn out fine, for the most part. :)

      Author’s gravatar

      I try to keep that in mind. I really don’t remember my mom having melt downs. Either she didn’t or just don’t remember that she did.

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