In July, Big Daddy and I celebrated our fifteenth year of marriage. There’s something satisfying about us adding to our tally of years together. I can’t remember a time when Big Daddy wasn’t in my life and I like that our year total has begun to reflect that. When we were first married, our handful of years seemed so few when compared to the vast feeling of us. But, fifteen feels like a long time (and not in a bad way) and it feels good, in my mind, to have our year total beginning to match up with the way we feel in my head. Fifteen years feels solid and serious. It feels like proof that we know what we’re doing.
We debated about a trip. We had a generous offer of babysitting, but life, and finances, get in the way of things and for a while it seemed like there wouldn’t be a trip at all. It sucks being a grown up sometime, but I worked a little magic and convinced Big Daddy that we deserved it. Because we do. Not only is fifteen years of commitment nothing to sneeze at, but we’d had a few years in a row that weren’t particularly awesome. They weren’t bad, just not great and I knew that a little trip would be akin to pushing the reset button.
So, we left the girls in Illinois.
We drove through the wind fields in Indiana.
We drove through the mountains.
And, we found the ocean again.
It wasn’t a long trip. We didn’t stay on the beach. It wasn’t the trip of our dreams, but it was what we needed it to be. It restored some tired parts of us (and made some previous untired parts of us tried as we leaped out of bed each morning eager to make the most of each day). We got horribly sunburned and my hair was caked with sea salt even after showers. The loft that we rented was tiny, but the bed was high and comfortable and we fell asleep every night quickly. We had a rare chance to be ourselves, as a couple, for a long time. We were able to be ourselves. As spouses and not parents.
We spent hours right here, not saying a whole lot. Just swinging back and forth and looking out together.
If you’ve ever been to Beaufort, you know the place. It was hot, but the breeze made it perfect.
And, it showed me that after the children, we would still be something. I think that’s a weird thing for me to admit because I’m always so “YAY! Big Daddy!”, but I think it’s a fear that settles into a lot of us whom have been parents for a while. What will we be without the children?
Good, is my answer. We will be good. It’s a comforting thing to know.
We are now at Fifteen years plus two months. We’re back to life and reality and school and all the other things that exist in the real world and Beaufort is off in the hazy fairy tale part of our brain.
I cannot wait to be there again.