Seventeen years ago this month, Big Daddy and I met. Life and love has this funny way of working out and in July we will celebrate sixteen, mostly happy, years of marriage. Mostly happy because, of course, we have our ups and down. All couples do. The key to happiness and longevity is making sure those rough patches are short and that you try, every day, to choose each other.
One thing I’ve found, as time has passed, is that my relationship with Big Daddy has changed a lot. In fact, there’s very little the same since we met all of those years ago and first said “I do!”. That evolution is so important to us as people and as a couple. We can’t be who we were all of those years ago. I’m not the same person that I was at 22 and neither is Big Daddy. That evolution is a good thing.
For a while I’ve been in a place of reflection. I find myself thinking a lot. More than usual, I guess. I’m not sure if it’s the impending fortieth birthday milestone or the transition that’s coming for us at the end of the summer when Baby Bee goes off to preschool or if, perhaps, it’s both those things or none of them. That reflection have led Big Daddy and I to another place of evolution.
Over the years, I’ve tried to write about marriage in a way as to be helpful to others and I’ve never had much success, but I guess another piece of advice I can give to you, beyond choosing your partner as much as you can, is that sometimes you have to be honest with your partner at all costs. I know that seems so easy, but sometimes it’s not. It’s hard to lay yourself bare and to admit to faults. It’s hard to present faults about yourself to your partner that you both have over looked or glossed over or not noticed. It’s hard to say “Look, I’m screwing up right here” and to see the moment of realization on the other person’s face.
But to evolve, you have to do it anyhow.
Big Daddy and I both have had growing pains over the last few years. I guess, when you’re younger, you think that once you hit serious adulthood status (like, being almost 40) that you won’t be struggling to grow anymore. You’ll have already done that, but it turns out that it’s not true if you don’t want to be a stagnant person in a stagnant position and stagnant relationship. You have to keep changing and growing. I’m nearly 40, but I’m still growing and changing and evolving.
I’m so happy Big Daddy is evolving along with me.
p.s. I am so sorry that my posts have been spamming you on Facebook! I’m working on a Forty before 40 thing and, well, I didn’t know it was happening. I think I’ve corrected it, but I’ll be sure to watch the next few posts to make sure you aren’t being hit with the same post four times.