Joyful

Littlebit has been counting down to her birthday for weeks.  She is convinced she’s going to get a phone.  She’s made rational arguments about why she should have one including the names of her friends that already have one.

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Last spring, at Littlebit’s IEP meeting (she STILL cannot say her r sound) her speech therapist told us that the thing he loved about Littlebit was that she was just a ten year old girl.  She wasn’t boy crazy or trying to grow up too fast or into things that were too old for her, she was just as she was supposed to be.   It is a lucky thing, of course, that Littlebit has the ability to grow up at her own pace, as she’s intended.  However, she’s changing a lot now and dangling in that space between being a little girl and being a not so little girl.

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As your children get older, you get the great gift of being able to see, in them, things you wish existed in yourself.  The Princess is so organized, she’s so responsible and she’s so caring.  Baby Bee is dynamic and creative and fearless.  And Littlebit?  She’s outgoing and happy and not afraid to be who she is (or like what she likes or wear what makes her happy).  Two days ago, we were out at a playground and she serenaded me, and the rest of the kids and parents, with song from Descendants just because she likes to sing.  No other reason.

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Littlebit helps.  Littlebit cares.  Littlebit hugs.  Littlebit isn’t afraid to be kind.  It’s her hallmark, actually.  She is patient.  Mostly.

She is growing up.

Littlebit, in a lot of ways, is my parenting sweet spot.  She doesn’t carry with her the weight the Princess does as we learn how to let our kids grow up through her and she’s not Baby Bee, doing everything for the last time.    I get to look forward to her experiences in a way I’m not able to with the Princess and Baby Bee.

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I was pregnant in between the Princess and Littlebit.  The pregnancy was ectopic.  I had worried for so much of my pregnancy with the Princess and I felt a though it had been hard for me to enjoy it.  I was looking forward to my next chance, to not worry, to actually enjoy what was happening to me, but we lost that baby and I spent my pregnancy with Littlebit worrying, again.  But, I knew then that parenting Littlebit was going to be my sweet spot.  My place to just be able to enjoy instead of feeling the separation or sadness that walks hand in hand with being a mom.

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Happy 11th birthday, baby.  I love you to the moon and back.

P.S. Once upon a time, Big Daddy’s uncle told us to make sure we didn’t sweep Littlebit aside.  He was a middle child and worried about her role as a middle child.  Well, you can’t really sweep LIttlebit aside.  She demands attention when she decides it’s time.  She’s not someone you can easily ignore.

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