I’m now down 5.5 pounds for the month. Eating has been easy but it takes a lot more planning. I’m not just able to throw a quick batch of couscous together to complete our meal. We’re still experimenting with side dishes to find things that we love to take the place of our old favorites. I still haven’t ventured into cauliflower side dishes yet as neither Big Daddy nor I are fans, but I’ll swallow my dislike and give it a try. Like I did with the Brussel sprouts.

Monday Spaghetti sauce and turkey meatballs, salad

Tuesday Hot dogs (nitrate free, all natural beef) watermelon

Wednesday Grilled chicken, sweet potato fries and zucchini fritters (another failed attempt, but I’m getting there)

Thursday Pizza per the Princess’s request.  Since i allow one meal a week to be “free”, it was allowed and okay

Friday Date night!

Saturday Grilled burgers (sans buns) corn and sweet potato chips

Sunday Smoked chicken, corn on the cob and watermelon

I love that watermelon is becoming less expensive as it’s great at dinner.  The kids love it and Big Daddy and I are fans too.

The Princess liked the Wiggles. Littlebit LOVED them. Her toddlerhood, in my memory, is punctuated by Wiggles songs. Because Littlebit was speech delayed, she couldn’t sing the lyrics along with them, but acting out the motions (rocking her bear, wiggling her fingers like cold spaghetti) was one way that Littlebit could do the same thing as the outside world. She loved the Wiggles.

Watching the Wiggles allows me to momentarily time travel back to Littlebit’s baby and toddler days. When she was little and looked a lot like this.

The Princess?  She watched Blue’s Clues and Bear in the Big Blue House and Calliou.  I remember singing the opening theme to Calliou when the Princess was two and wondering what she’d be like at four.  Now, she’s twelve and four was so long ago.  It won’t be too long (just two short years!) before we’ll never ever do four again, but every time I watch Calliou with my little two, I remember the Princess when she was like this.

Long after my kids have outgrown the shows, I’ll happen past a favorite of theirs from the past.  Perhaps browsing netflix or when I’m looking for something to keep me company when they’re off at school, because Mickey Mouse Clubhouse will always remind me of Baby Bee when she was like this

I really don't have a bad combover.

For just a second, for just a glimpse I’ll remember so clearly the feel of their little bodies in my arms and the sound of their little voices lisping along to songs we’ve sung a million times or their little hands moving along as if in a dance. I’ll remember the smiles and the pearly little brand new teeth. I remember the Princess’s first Christmas every time I hear the theme song from Little Bill. I remember Littlebit jumping on her trampoline in time to the songs from Hi-5. I’ll remember Baby Bee folded up next to me on the couch, asking quietly for “Max and Wooby Pease! Max and Wooby!”

I feel summer afternoons at home with my Mom during “I Love Lucy”. I think they played it at lunch time and my Mom watched every day she was home. I feel evenings with her, as well, as we watched The Honeymooners after the nightly news. When she was ill and I was in Illinois and she was in Michigan, we watched the Price is Right, playing the game together, guessing on the showcases. Movies I watched with my brother and sister or friends can take me racing instantly back to those moments in time when things were different and we were all younger.

Of course, television isn’t the only thing that triggers my memory, but there was a fleeting sadness when I read about the Wiggles and how they and Littlebit are linked in my mind and memory.

Last  fall, I ran across this darling little pattern from The Mother Huddle

I loved how it used such small amounts of fabric and looked easy to make. I also loved that there was no pattern. I hate dealing with patterns. If not for patterns, I’d sew mostly everything. On a cold day in January, I adapted the pattern into a nightgown and sized it to fit all three of my girls.

Doesn't she look pathetic? Poor sick baby and the playroom? Gross!

I even was able to size one for the Princess, though I won’t include a picture. At 12, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to be seen on-line in her nightie (which is SMART, Princess! Things you do on-line stay FOREVER and when you run for office, you don’t want people dredging up a thirty year old photo of your in your jammies!)

Littlebit is only five, so I'll post a picture of her in her nightie. No problem!

This pattern was so fast to make up (from cutting to done in about 90 minutes) that I knew I wanted to use it other ways. It was more than a shirt or a dress or a nightie, it was perfectly adaptable to all of those things and nearly any fabric so…

I sewed Baby Bee a sundress.

That stripe? Doesn’t it KILL you.

AND made Littlebit a top. In a knit. A very stretchy knit. The stretched unevenly while I was sewing and hopefully, after being washed and dried, will be more symmetrical.

I’ll be making Littlebit a matching stripey dress, but I may skip making Baby Bee a matching cherry top, depending on how LIttlebit’s looks after drying.  I think I’ll be calling on this pattern one more time this summer and making the Princess a swimsuit cover up out of some terry cloth I have.  She’s outgrown her own cover up and I think this pattern would lend itself perfectly to that, too.

Projects like this are a good use of my crafty time. It allows me to use one pattern/tutorial to make multiple, different garments and you can work on them in an assembly line fashion (now you cut, now you make straps, now you sew the bodice, etc) That allows me to memorize the process so I’m not referring back to instructions so many times (which, let’s admit, makes your project take longer!). The tiny amount of material the bodice needs makes this a nice scrap busting project (the bodice panels for Baby Bee’s dress are only 2 by 11 and 5 by 11. The straps are 1.5×7. Seriously? Tiny amounts of material).

Do you have some tried and true patterns you turn to again and again?  I’d love to see them.

Also, the garage was a nightmare, but that was over and done in two hours and with trips to the local charitable organization that collects stuff for resale and the recycling center.

After a stop at the greenhouse for vegetable plants and seeds we came home to begin to tend to our badly overgrown garden beds.  I wish I’d thought to take pictures of the root systems some of the weeds had.  They were like carrots, but not and were several inches around and six inches or more long.  You can’t pull those suckers out and we broke a ho (ha!  A hoe!) in the process (as well as made about seven thousand ho jokes).  But, after a long day of work, the garden beds were finally ready for planting which was slated for Sunday.

When Sunday dawned, we stopped at the home improvement center for plants.  I needed some herbs, a couple strawberry plants, a few small evergreen shrubs, a plant that I can’t identify despite spending two hours today trying to do it and a new centerpiece plant.  The ugly fountain?  It was going to be GONE!

The Princess and a neighbor started by removing all the flagstone, which proved to be the easiest part of the job.  We were then left with a foot deep, murky pit of water (and a dead frog and a LOT of worms which the turtle appreciated).  Big Daddy kept on wedding and I decided to recycle that flagstone into a low border.  I won’t have enough flagstone, but Big Daddy assures me that we can get enough for not a ton of money.

It's actually more even than the pictures seem to show.

Which is good because this?  Is pretty much the exact look I was hoping for (though a little short, but maybe a ton of flagstone would make another layer or two possible?)

Big Daddy and the Princess and I spent several hours removing the rocks from the watery grave that was the fountain.  We’re not done.  We gave up at 5:30 and came in to make dinner with none of our new plants in the ground.

That means a lot of work this week, but I’m excited to see the outcome.

Did you die a little?  I know I did when I came to the realization that removing the vast majority of carbohydrates (and ALL super processed carbohydrates) was going to be what we needed to do for our weight control and our health.  I’ve know for  some time that this was going to be the path we needed to take, but up until now, I wasn’t really ready.  It was a big commitment, but last month I realized that losing carbs was the right path for us and Big Daddy and I gave up the majority of them two weeks ago.

My first weigh in found me four pounds down in a little over a week.  I haven’t been perfect, but I’ve been pretty good and I’m realizing that carbs and my body do NOT like each other.  Each of the times in the last two weeks that I’ve eaten a carb heavy meal (just two) I’ve gotten SO sick to my stomach.  Yuck.  Proof.

I tell you all of this not to encourage you to diet or diet like I am, but to explain why you’re going to be seeing a different slant to my recipes from now on.  I am doing a hybrid program that is mostly primal/paleo.  For explanations on how we’re eating around here now, you can check out www.marksdailyapple.com for more information, recipes, message boards and all kinds of goodies.

This turned into some yummy egg muffins for breakfast. We'll ignore how badly the egg muffins stuck to the pan.

But for now?  Menu plan!

Monday Oven fried chicken, asparagus and green salad.

Tuesday Grilled pork tenderloin, zucchini “tots“  asparagus.  I omitted the breadcrumbs and added more cheese.  They were more like fitters and they were DELISH!

Wednesday-Sauteed talapia (grilled chicken for the kids), mashed rutabagas and a Trader Joe’s vegetable medley in sauce.  As a note, rutabagas take a LONG time to boil.  The aboce recipe suggests boiling for 40 minutes. I think closer to 90 minutes would do it and my rutabaga was cut fairly small.  Of course, your mileage will vary, but allow yourself plenty of time.

Thursday-Smoked sausage, broccoli with cheese sauce, salad (a little more processed than we’d normally eat, but sometimes mama needs a break)

Friday-Pizza with the kids (gut bomb.  Total gut bomb).

Saturday-Smoked pork chops, sesame asparagus and salad with yogurt ranch dressing

Sunday-Smoked ribs (this is the rub and sauce we use on most pork we smoke.  It’s very good.  VERY good), corn on the cob and mac and cheese (this was actually Mother’s Day dinner and we wouldn’t normally eat the mac and cheese.  It was a treat that is currently wrecking havoc on my gut)
Making the change from a meat, veggie and starch to meat and two veggie sides really hasn’t been hard.  I’m experimenting with different recipes to create side dishes that give us a carb-like feel without the carbs.  The mashed rutabaga is really so good (like a potato and an apple had a big ugly baby. It’s a little starchy and very very sweet) as are mashed turnips.  I’m looking forward to perfecting zucchini fritters

The best thing?  I feel good about serving (mostly) whole, nutritious foods to my family.  We’re going to be working on transitioning the girls to this way of eating as well (with a little more room for healthy, whole grain (high fiber) foods).

I’m looking forward to weighing in on Thursday.  For the first time maybe ever.

I linger in bed as long as I can.  Big Daddy reaches over Baby Bee to drape an arm across me.  I snuggle Baby Bee into my chest.  I’m crowded and usually up earlier than I want to be, but I know so many others would love to be in my position, waking up too early with a kink in my neck and little fit jamming into my rib cage.

I ask the Princess to dress Baby Bee. The Princess changes clothes twice before dressing Baby Bee in her Easter dress.  Littlebit, who has no regard for the outside temperature opts to wear a long sleeved shirt and thick leggings.  It’s going to be too warm for that, Big Daddy and I take turns telling her.  She says she knows.  I don’t fight any battles over clothes.  Wear what you want.  Baby Bee accessorizes with a play stethoscope and pink sunglasses.  She wears purple shoes. I learned a long time ago not to care much about what the children wore.  It’s a place where I can nearly always say yes.

The Princess pushes the cart at the home center while I pick out the plants that are on my list.  Baby Bee struts around like a dive in her sunglasses and Littlebit half walks/half dances.  Little hands pointing out plants take a long time and Baby Bee is enamored with “rosies!”  as dancing rings around them is her favorite game.  I know it won’t be long until I have a surly teenager or two who can’t be bothered with little things like picking out evergreen shrubs.  Finding my patience isn’t so hard.

At brunch, the girls exhibit model behavior in the tiny, crowded restaurant.  Littlebit fidgets a little and Baby Bee let out one, piercing unhappy wail that was quickly quieted with an iPod.  Our waitress has children, but she’s working Mother’s Day morning.  Big Daddy givers her an extra big tip and I’m thankful that I don’t have to do anything else than stay at home with the girls.

Big Daddy crawls around, pulling the weeds gone wild.  The little girls are playing in the empty lot next door.  The Princess shovels load after load of heavy rocks into the wheel barrel. Big Daddy and the Princess give me the best present; a day of slave labor, but I help too as we work on making the front of the house as pretty as it is in my imagination.  I watch the little girls run and run and run and am overwhelmed at how thankful I am for their ability to run and play and roll in the grass.  Not every child has a safe, green place to play and I’m glad that my girls get to engage in a simple childhood pleasure.  Littlebit will be rashy after all of the grass rolling, but she doesn’t mind.  It’s too fun to stop.

Big Daddy cooks dinner.  He plates the food. I’m eternally grateful for a partner who wants to be my partner.

Our bellies are full.  The Princess is off to her room for tween decompression time.  The little girls and I tuck into the big bed.  The day has gotten colder and Littlebit’s outfit of warm leggings and a long sleeved shirt now make perfect sense.  It’s raining a little.  Eyelids are heavy.

I am so thankful.

I am so lucky.

All of this?  Is mine.

I didn’t say goodbye.  Not in so many words.  I couldn’t.  “I’ll see you next week” I’d say as I kissed her goodbye.  I didn’t want to utter the words.  I didn’t want her subconscious to hear them.  I didn’t want her to hold on any longer, halfway between here and the hereafter in the broken shell that was my Mother, but I didn’t have enough strength to tell her goodbye.  I didn’t want her to misinterpret me.  I wanted her to stay forever and I struggled with guilt over the selfish greed of wanting her to stay and the horror of knowing that I didn’t want her to live for one more second like she was at the end.

Five years letter, I’m not better, really.  I’m different.  I’ll never be again the girl I was on May 4, 2007.  She disappeared with my Mom. The loss of her is a scar.  Sometimes it flares up and I’m sad or angry or bitter or confused.  Those flare ups don’t happen as frequently but they’ll never be gone. Things will always wash over me and the missing her will hurt again like it did at the beginning.

Cancer can’t do a lot of things.  There’s a meme that floats around the Internet that says so.  But the one thing it did do was cause my dormant anxiety to rear it’s ugly heard and five years after the cancer has left, the anxiety has stayed. I’m afraid of doing everything right and leaving my girls and Big Daddy alone.  I’m afraid of making one small misstep and leaving them alone.  It’s the worst thing I can imagine, after all, to leave before we’re ready.  It was something my Mom was afraid of and somehow the decade old conversation I had with her where she admitted it has buried into my psyche and it manifests in me.  That’s something cancer has done.  Of course, I don’t want it to win in that way but, for now, only five years later it still is.  Whispering in my ear that nothing is forever and that we have no control over the amount of time we have.

Yesterday morning, Baby Bee and I prepared to leave the house.  We stepped out the front door and a butterfly was hovering in front of us.  It flitted with great joy around us, buzzing so close to us that I was sure it would fly in the house (and risk becoming the prey of Angus and Luna).  Baby Bee was frightened of it at first, but when I told it was only a butterfly she trotted onto the porch and chased it and spun and laughed.  Playing with it a few moments before it fluttered away.  I’m confused about the hereafter and what there is after this but my heavy heart wants to believe  desperately that a part of my Mom and Baby Bee got to have a few moments of the playtime they’d have surely had if my Mom had survived cancer.

It’s not all well with my soul, but it’s okay.

Angus is a social cat.  When he came to live with us, he came to a house with a cat and a dog and he came with his sister.  His sister passed away in 2007 and Angus latched on to Shelby and Jack.  With their loss, he seemed needy.  A little lost and very clingy.

At the end of a cold, lonely litter, a stray cat my aunt took in was due to deliver kittens.  We were there when the first two were born (though I can’t say if one was Luna or not).

We fell in love.  Of course we did. They’re kittens.  Big Daddy slowly came around to the idea that we’d be getting another cat and a little over two weeks ago we brought Luna home.

Named for Luna Lovegood, of course.  The character was brave, sweet, loyal and a bit eccentric.  Just the sort of qualities i like in a cat.  There are things about her that harken back a bit to Shelby.  The way she curls up when she sleeps and the way the black of her fur parts over the white on her face.  Just a little.  Just enough.

It’s interesting to have a kitten again. It’s fun.  It’s a little nerve wracking because Baby Bee insists on stealthily picking her up and running with her. And holding her by her neck, which means lots of time outs.  Angus grooms her with her vigor and lets her nurse.  That’s a little weird, but he owes someone as he did the same thing to Jack when he was a kitten.  Luna, of course, loves Big Daddy the most.  He’s indifferent to her and she can’t get enough of him.

Shelby passed away from mammary cancer.  Mammary cancer will kill many female cats who were spayed after 6 months of age.  Shelby was an only, indoor cat and we didn’t see the reason to spay her.  She was spayed at age 2.  A tiny misstep that might have made all the difference.  We won’t make that mistake again.

Luna, 8 weeks old.

Well, it means more than that, but if you’re an asparagus fan, spring means cheap, fresh asparagus shows up at the grocery store and if you’re like us you’re taking advantage of that and eating it as often as possible.

We’ve branched out from our usual ways of eating asparagus and now enjoy it grilled, sauteed and roasted, but when I saw this gorgeous recipe show up on Pinterest I knew I had to make it.

It was so good. Soooo good. Despite the fact that my pancetta was slightly salty (and a real PITA to chunk up. I thought I’d be a good foodie and buy a nice hunk at the foodie grocery store and chunk it up myself. Mistake. It’s SO hard to cut).

There’s just nothing about this recipe I dislike. NOTHING. You cook bacon. And then you cook potatoes in it until they get crunchy and brown and then? You add in asparagus.  And onions.

I think that they must serve this for brinner in heaven. I topped mine with a fried egg and called it good. It would make a great breakfast dish and really sets the bar a little higher as far as brinner fare goes.

Another one dish meal.  Are you catching that pattern?  Easy to make, delicious one skillet meals that are full of veggies and good things.  It does take a little more than 30 minutes to throw this lovely dish together, but that’s just because you want to give your potatoes time to brown and crisp and be everything potatoes can be.  You don’t want to deprive a potato of its true potential, do you?

The Menu Plan!

Monday Pancetta and Asparagus hash with eggs. (This ain’t your mama’s brinner)

Tuesday-We had to make a trip to the home improvement store.  I had barbecoa from Chipole and I’m not at all sorry that I didn’t cook.

Wednesday-Smoked chicken with roasted carrots and roasted brussel sprouts (a simple Ina Gartin recipe in both cases.  I haven’t had brussel sprouts in some time and didn’t like them as a child and thought I’d give it a try.  I still hate them, but I hate five very small ones to be a good example.  Littlebit LOVED them).

Thursday-Busy night at our house, so we’re having a very simple pot roast with carrots and roasted asparagus.

Friday-It’s the weekend, homies.  So, Big Daddy is smoking pizzas.  Have a smoker?  Haven’t smoked pizza? You should.  We are NOT making our own.  We’re buying ours from Aldi’s which seems to make a pretty good “take and bake” pizza for a fairly low price

Saturday-Beef Tenderloins were on sale at the store, so we’re having fillet mignon.   Sans bacon.  With grilled asparagus (it’s in SEASON) and Fauxtatoes.

Sunday-TBD

What spring yummies are you cooking this week?

Want to recreate the fun at home? Here’s what we did:

Dinner
Snow White’s Dwarf Sized Roast Beef Sammies and Happy’s Honey Glazed Carrots

Dessert

The Evil Queen’s Special Apple Turnovers

Did I take pictures?  No.  They’re the mountain dew sauce ones and they’re not only super easy to make but so good you’ll want to push the evil queen off the mountain yourself to get at her apples.

What?

Thanks to Make and Takes, we also made these adorable pipe cleaner and pony bead tiaras!

I used some pipe cleaners we had at home and they really had trouble keeping their shape.  We braided two together, tightly, but to keep them on the girls heads we had to use bobby pins.

Family movies night doesn’t have to be hard to put together or super involved.  Big Daddy was out of town so the girlies and i had a great big girlie fest on Sunday night.  With gas prices sky rocketing, we’re going to be working on making more fun at home.   You can also check out previous Family Movie Night ideas here.